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On the one hand, it turned me on like I had neverexpected. On the other hand, I was experiencing a lot of conflict withmy sexuality. I will say in those days, that I would have more than abit of anxiety thinking that I was gay. I was more than a bit ignorantof the transgender scene, which was non-existent in my home town as faras I knew, and the internet was not as sophisticated as it is now. Itmay sound odd, or contradictory, but I guess I convinced myself that ifI was a woman, it would not be so wrong, but I was a man. In any event,I was pretty sure that I had taken my walk on the wild side and spentsome time overcompensating for it. A nice fantasy to use, but notsomething I would repeat. I would walk down the street desperatelytrying to make sure that I was attracted to every woman that went by.Unfortunately, my period of real chastity didn't last all that long.After a few weeks of trying to be very macho, I reverted back to beingmore feminine, at least in private. In. I didn’t say anything . After eating we went our separate ways .“ see I told u that he is urs” that evil said to me . “ So what if he loves as a woman . Most teenage boys is like that . that doesn’t mean their mother gives themselves to their son” – the mother inside me said that . “ Don’t listen to her . She is just jealous . Go and claim what rightfully belongs to u . U know u want him and u want him bad” – the evil said to me . I couldn’t hold it within me anymore . I went towards his room . I entered in his room without knocking . He was asleep . I woke him up and placed my lips on his before he could say anything . we stayed that way for a while . he didn’t protested at all . then removing my body from him I said “ U love me , right . Then will u accept this shameless old body of mine ? will u take care of me like ur father used to ? Will u love me till my death in the same way ?” . He kissed my lips and said – “ u r not old . U r sexy and beautiful . But I wont take care of u.
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